I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
