can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
