Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
