this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
