I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
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