I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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