it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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