its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
