paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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