fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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