Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize