He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
