Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
