so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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