I think i peed on brittanys purse
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it's like iHOP with fire
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize