So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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