Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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