College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
