TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
