Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
