D3 body, D1 cock
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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