so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
