1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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