Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
