There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize