Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize