are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
