hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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