so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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