DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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