She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
