Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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