Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
