How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
