hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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