I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
