Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My bed smells like the plague
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
