sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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