i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
