I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
