from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
tell me about the fingering
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
