i don't like sucking hair
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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