I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
