Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
