He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
