Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
