i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
