I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize