You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
