i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
