You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize