New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize