Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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