I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
your room smells of hookers.
And success
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
