if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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