About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He did a backflip because drugs
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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