Acid is not a monday night drug
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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