I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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