phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
