i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
