The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
