WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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