Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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