So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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