i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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