8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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