He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
