Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My life is pants optional.
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