It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize