Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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