I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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