you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
