At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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