dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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