Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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