Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
