Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
