I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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