my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
