Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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