Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
