this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
