Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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