Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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