i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
