I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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