I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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