did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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