Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so explain again why im purple
no
What a fucking waste of an outfit
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
